It only supported my decision to do whatever I needed to do to make an environment for my daughter that would include her dad.So what did it cost me?Working to find something good in him.Sometimes I would search through all the things I didn't like to find something that was good. It cost me my right to be offended.My marriage had been full of hurt and deception, but I did know that my ex loved his daughter - it was just me he couldn't get along with. If any of my family and friends said something against my ex that my daughter heard they would unwittingly hurt her.Sometimes I felt like a wuss and loed knows some of my family and friends thought I should have said more.
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I think most people use the terms “gender” I also think that most people think of gender roles as pretty set, or to use Sedgwick’s term: axiomatic. Why should I rethink gender and sexuality roles? She soberly parses meaning between gender and sex. This signification is of utmost importance, because the meaning attached to this binary has the potential (and indeed has been manifested in such a way) to oppress. A panoply of oppressions that threaten to obscure any given set of people who find themselves on the wrong end of that signification. As she writes: “The second and perhaps even greater heuristic leap of feminism has been the recognition that categories of gender, and hence, oppressions of gender can have a structuring force for nodes of thought, for axes of cultural discrimination” As enlightened and liberal as I like to think I am, I like to dismiss this idea and tell myself that: “well, I can destabilize the system by deconstructing the patriarchal terms.” Also, while I have great empathy and solidarity with gay issues, I apparently do not have enough empathy or solidarity to refuse a place at the table, so to speak, where they can not be served.
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